Do We Need More Empathy?

Is empathy important to success? If so, how do we cultivate it?

This Article Is A Personal Journey

Part of my training in my graduate job involves a personal development project to improve up to three habits, behaviours or mindsets. I want to nurture skills that will help me in both my professional and personal life. I asked myself the questions, “what behaviours do leaders have?” and “what interpersonal skills are required to be successful in the workplace?”. I also considered what qualities are essential for healthy relationships. I brainstormed some ideas and then Googled ‘leadership qualities’. There was one that came up often in the results which intrigued me — empathy.

I pondered over this and realised that this is a characteristic  I tend to lack. I’ve always been a go-getter kind of person. When someone wouldn’t have the same drive or motivation as me I would simply not understand and urge them to try harder. This brute-force approach can be advantageous for accountability purposes, however, it doesn’t always help someone with how they're feeling.

So what is empathy? In the words of Kaitlin Ugolik Phillips in her book The Future of Feeling: Building Empathy in a Tech-Obsessed World empathy is described as “the ability to imagine the feelings of another”. Gary Vee has quoted empathy to be one of the greatest attributes to his success. He’s acknowledged the need for empathy in developing successful relationships, both in business and his personal life.

It has often been said that we have set levels of empathy at birth and that can’t change. With a growth mindset, however, I believe this is not the case. We can all learn to be more empathetic.

How To Cultivate Empathy?

Empathy can be used by leaders to understand colleagues’ feelings. But how can this skill be developed? The easiest way is to listen. Don’t talk, simply listen. Notice the tone of someone’s voice describing a situation. Are they happy, angry or sad? What is their body language like? Do they appear tense or relaxed? At first, this might seem unnatural but developing these habits are key. Don’t be scared to ask for feedback as well. Show that you really care about what the person is talking about.

If the concept of empathy seems abstract and you’d like to measure your empathy, you can find many Emotional Quotient (EQ) and emotional intelligence tests online. This then gives you a baseline level to work from.

Another idea is to have a reflective journal. Note down anytime you employ empathetic thinking, what you felt and how do you think the other person felt during the experience.

Empathy is the gateway drug to numerous interpersonal skills. Being empathetic when a friend or colleague needs it most will develop trust and a bond between you. This could then elevate you to being a spokesperson of sorts for the group. Managers in the workplace can use empathetic thinking when listening to employees concerns to create a more harmonious environment. In turn, productivity goes up. Workers will then feel more confident in their role when they are seeing success.

I’ve found myself actively being more aware of how people speak in a conversation. I ask myself how do they feel about the situation they are describing. I try to put myself in their shoes to understand what they are experiencing. Obviously, there are limitations on this however opening the mind to what someone is experiencing is empowering.

A Valuable Lesson

Conveniently, around the time my project kicked off I was reading Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey. A key theme of his book is compassion for yourself and those around you. He was describing a discussion between two of his friends when on a trip in Africa. He then declared one right and the other wrong. Both his friends suddenly stopped and asked him “Do you understand?”. Confused by the reaction, McConaughey apologised. His friends were trying to understand each other’s viewpoints rather than brand each other right or wrong.

McConaughey was describing a situation with empathetic thinking. His point is that we as a society need to have more empathy and compassion towards one another.

Broaden Your Horizons

It also helps to talk to and meet new people with different interests to your own. Their subjective experiences differ from yours and provide a gateway into their life. An easy way to do this is to follow new people on social media from different backgrounds and interests to your own. If you can visit a place of worship from another religion.

When the world opens up, visiting new places and experiencing new cultures is a great way to develop empathy. You can learn how to live like someone from another country and how their daily life compares to your own. Spending time with locals and immersing yourself in their culture will give you a greater appreciation for their lifestyle.

Step outside your own echo chamber and discover what else the world has to offer. Develop empathetic thinking to understand people better. You might learn a thing or two from somewhere unexpected.

Going Forward

I’ve been taking this test on a weekly basis to measure my EQ over time. I’ve also been reflective journaling to note down empathetic experiences.

Like all skills, time is required to really see the changes and benefits. A small improvement each day will lead to a large improvement over a long time. I hope to see more empathy in the future as I believe this is the way to create a more friendly world.

Thanks for reading my article. I would greatly appreciate it if you share this with anyone who might find this useful.

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Josh